The Awakening

I have always wondered why people 'turn a new leaf' at new years. Why would the beginning of a new year symbolize a change of ones way of life? Surely if you have a habit you don't like you wouldn't wait till new years to change that but do it straight away? As it is the first time in two years that I have been single I have taken up this opportunity to reinvent myself by getting my hair trimmed, getting a new perfume and going shopping. Out with the old and in with the new!

I have been single for a month now but it's gone ever so quick! Ever since the break up I have been seeing friends all the time so the time has been flying by. In addition to this I have been doing more modelling work; I did a photo-shoot for 'Kream' on Monday and the photos might be put on ASOS so that's very exciting. I also went for a hollister interview for a job as a model so fingers crossed I get the job! I also went for an interview with for a journalists' summer school which I should be receiving an email about soon however, the summer school starts when I go abroad... Go on holiday or study? On the one side, the summer school would have high educational value but on the other hand going on holiday means I can relax and wind down for the upcoming stress of A2 level!

I have been doing a challenge for this week. Guys like girls with confidence and mine comes (like most women) mainly from my looks so I decided that needed to be changed so for everyday I have been wearing no make up to try and find other sources of confidence. But four days in this morning I decided that I missed my morning ritual of washing my face, exfoliating, cleansing and then doing my makeup so I gave up on the challenge. Although I am slightly disappointed that I couldn't keep it up I realised that when I wasn't wearing makeup I wasn't suddenly 'unconfident' in myself I just felt that I didn't look as well presented as I could.  As I realised my confidence wasn't look based, does that prove the challenge was a success?

I'm sure your wondering if I've found a new man? Well, I've seen a couple of guys throughout the month and although there is an element of thrill with being with someone new- an adrenaline rush by the excitement of getting to know someone new- I do miss having someone around who knows what I like and who I am. I had an encounter with a guy E. but he's not for me- although attractive and definitely in to me, he just didn't make me laugh and there was always a sense of awkwardness. The other guy K. is beautiful, charismatic and funny. We kissed but he's a close friend of mine and there are complications. So, neither he is the guy for me and I know we'd both rather stay friends.

I have used letters to represent the men to keep their identity private.

Love O