It's been topical for a while now: The rupture between me and (my now ex) best friend. I wasn't going to write this, not because it's too personal but because I felt it was unfair... But I don't care; about anyone's opinions, not hers, not 'Gods' and no, not even yours. The only thing that matters is that I stay true to myself, to my morals and to what I believe is right. Caring about how other people perceive you is not at the top of my list of useless emotions along with regret, guilt and hate. Why devour so much energy on something that doesn't affect you? People will always have both positive and negative opinions of you but what really matters is how you perceive and thus value yourself.
Should I forgive her? On the contrary to my other friends wishes, no. I shouldn't and I shan't. Not out of spite nor selfishness but merely lack of interest in a friendship anymore. I simply feel we are both very different people in very different places right now.
In any case, the friendship I thought I had- an honest one- did not exist, so how can I simply return to a friendship that had never truly taken place? In addition, say I were to be her 'friend' to please everyone else, then how would my true friends know when I am true to them or whether I am faking my friendship with them too simply to please others. How can I stay true to myself if I live a charade of a day-to-day life pretending to be a friend who I no longer am? In the morning I put on a mask of oblivion and ignorance and in the evening I take it off finally content in getting to be whom I truly am.
In retrospect to the rest of my life this event will be so small, so insignificant, that I most probably won't even remember it. Friends will come and go because as humans we consume. We consume energy and life and when there's nothing left for us to consume we leave. We use people to our advantage and when they no longer interest us, no longer please us or serve us a purpose we retire. We move on and we find someone or something else, to consume what little we can.
Life is far too short to focus on fixing people's perceptions of you, trying to be someone you're not or staying friends with someone to please others. "An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a
wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound
your mind." She was far from evil, but a mere white lie can change everything. I don't hate her, nor do I dislike her. She deceived me to get what she desired and if that made her happy, then I truly am happy for her. But I've changed and as has she and therefore I have moved on.