Monday, 8 October 2012


What do you do when you like someone, but you know, deep down, that they don't feel that way about you? Every time you see them it's like no one else in the room exists, because in that moment in time, they are all that matters. Everyone describes this feeling as butterflies, but why? I don't feel the fluttering of wings deep down in my belly. I feel a sensation of happiness overwhelming me, like you do when you see a best friend but so much more...
This is where the confusion lies. Do I try and try, to make him like me back? Or do I resign and take my place as the friend who will always be, just-a-friend. Am I ready to wave the white flag and surrender to this game, this challenge? Or do I fight to win?
A friend suggested playing 'hard-to-get' but what if one plays so hard-to-get, that the other person just sees them as cold and bitter? Shouldn't I just 'play' me? But something about him.. His gaze.. It's so hard to be me when he's around, I mumble incoherently and babble like a baby just learning its' first words.
What is this? Who am I? I am a calculated, skeptical and independent woman that relish's in the idea of success and achievement. I love order. But nothing about how I feel or my confusion is logical. It can't be argued for or against like a case study nor can it be reasoned. If only Einstein came up with an equation for the laws of attraction like that of energy. Attraction=mc². Ahhh that's better. But then I think, how dull would life be, if every problem had a solution or an equation to solve it. One of the beauties of life, is the mysteries it holds... Then again, life would be simpler if he felt the same. Like a checklist, I could tick of one of the problems from my list of daily hassles. 
Would I be at my most content if he reciprocated my emotions? Or if these emotions of infatuation, attraction and lust didn't exist? It's not being out of love which is confusing or displeasing but as Romeo quoted 'Out of her favour, where I am in love'.

Love O

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